I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home.

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you"

This song has been blowing through my speakers ever since Saturday night. Two of my friends had this guy picked out for about a month now saying we would be perfect together and that they were going to introduce us but many roadblocks got in the way. Finally, Saturday night one of my overly drunken friends managed to introduce us. Even though all we did was shake hands and introduce each other I still felt a spark there. This had to happen at the worst time..right before holiday breaks. All I can think about is how we will see each other again. Will it be in the hallway at school? In the cafeteria? On the sidewalk in the rain? Then the next troublesome thought is WHAT DO I SAY? I'm the type of person who just gets terrified with these types of things. Two things will happen. I will turn beat red for no reason or I will totally embarrass myself. However, life is about taking chances. I'm not saying I'm in love with this guy or even like him but it has been so long that I have had someone interested in me and it is just a good feeling to have once in awhile. We will just see what happens, it is mean to be it will happen but i need to put the effort out there too. I need to not think guys can read my mind and actually put myself out there.

In the meantime, there is snow on the ground. Roughly 6 inches here at my house and I don't like it one bit. I know I just sound bitter because I feel like everyone around me is just ecstatic about the snow and all its wonderfulness. I can see how the snow can be fun. In high school I loved it when it would snow this much because that meant no school. But, when I come home for a break from school I don't enjoy being stuck in my house for 5 days. It gets old very quickly. My mom and I are already fighting a lot because we have both been stuck in here for awhile. I can't even clean to get my mind off of things because my room was clean when I got here and I haven't even unpacked because I'll be stuck here for at least a few more days so whats the point in having clothes besides my yoga pants and UPS shirts. Well, I just remembered that I need to do laundry because I have no more clean underwear. Eh, I'll just do that tomorrow before I eat breakfast.

Today my mom started yelling at me because I 'messed up' her kitchen. She said I trashed it after I baked cookies. Sorry, I didn't know loading the dishes that could go in the dishwasher and washing the ones that couldn't was so bad? Should I have just left them in the sink piled up? I guess having the cookies on a cooling rack for a few hours before I put them away is a crime. I pretty much have just been sarcastic and not talking to her at all for the entire night. It just bugs me when I put in effort to do something and I get treated like crap. Sorry that I didn't run the dishwasher. I literally put three dishes in there and I completely filled it up. If you think it needs to be run after that maybe you should've started it before I even came along. She blames everyone. When she is in a bad mood and my dad accidentally drags in a little dirt in the laundry room before taking off his shoes, it is the end of the world. She complains how dinner is going to be late because the dishwasher wasn't run so there's no place for the dirty dishes. It was barely 5:00 and we never eat before 8 if we're lucky. Start the dishwasher. Another argument that arose this evening was about when my mom blamed my dad for losing HER phone charger. My dad and I have the same phone so we have the same charger meaning we NEVER touch her charger. I guess earlier today she was blaming my dad for losing it and guess where she found it? Out in the barn with HER stuff. She didn't even apologize to my dad which I thought to myself she never apologizes for anything just comes up with excuses. Then he said the same thing. It's like my dad and I are telepathic. I have a very happy family but when I was younger I always wondered if my parents were to get divorced who would I live with and the answer would be my dad because we take each others jokes and sarcastic comments. My mom takes it literally then I get the stink eye and put in a worse mood which keeps the comments going leading to me getting grounded when I was that age. I guess I am just in a bad mood because I don't have a choice of going anywhere. Yes, the snow is here and I don't want to drive in it. But if it were just an icy road I probably still would be here because I don't get to choose if I drive or not. I am 20 years old, I should have the liberty to choose what I do. I swear I am going to be 35 and my mom will call me and tell me I can't go do this or that. I still feel like I'm 16 with my parents telling me what I can and can't do. Tonight I went to go grab a cookie that I slaved over to make this afternoon and my mother tells me I can't eat it in my room. It's like I am reliving my evil teenage years again. I am almost legal to drink, but can't eat a cookie in my room. This is chaos. I just want the snow to melt already. I've basically already accepted that I will not be able to hang out with anyone during Thanksgiving break. Tomorrow, the snow will still be here unless it hits like 60 degrees tomorrow morning before I wake up. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Friday I am babysitting during the day and then finally Monica is coming over (let's hope!). Saturday I have to spend all day with family for a funeral and don't know what time I'm getting back so it's impossible to make plans for Saturday night. Then Sunday, I go back to school but before I do I'm going to get coffee with Rachael. I guess this break is a good one for homework and cooking things I will get in trouble for later. Tomorrow my dad and I (and possibly my mother) are going to trek to Safeway and get some groceries. I need to get things to make Monica dinner on Friday!

I am making a lovely dinner for her to show her that I can cook. I'm not sure what I'm making yet. Well actually I have a pretty good idea but I know she will read this and I want it to be a surprise :) She is making me watch Avatar, ya know the movie with those blue people. I heard it is really good. Everyone always gives me a weird look when I say I haven't seen it. I should make a dessert to drown my sorrows in as I watch this movie. So Monica, what would you prefer for a dessert for me to make? And don't say cookies I'm sick of those right now. I should try out my mad pie skills that Amanda taught me.

Well I don't know what else to say. I watched Glee and about four episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I was laughing so hard. Ted on HIMYM is my soul mate. We both jump to conclusions when we meet someone. It was hilarious. But, the website I was watching it on doesn't let you watch more than 72 minutes of video at a time so I had to stop, which depresses me.

That is all I have for now. I just hope the snow melts so there can be sanity within this house. I need to see socialization!!! I hate being secluded from the world! I don't even have neighbors to really spy on, well my mother does. I swear she makes up stories. Like..."oh she left the house so they are getting divorced" she is crazy. Okay, I am going to stop ranting on how crazy my mother can be.

More Coffee Please...

Those three words seem to be coming out of my mouth multiple times a day. Once again, I am at that point in the semester where even two shots of espresso barely help this exhausted feeling. Today was no deviation from that. Today was the busiest day of my life, but not really because all I did was basically lock myself in the library forever. I woke up at 7:30, put on some clothes and make up and struggled to leave the house. I made a pit stop at the dining hall where I picked up some of my favorite oatmeal where I put brown sugar and craisins in it. SO GOOD. Probably the best part of my day. Then walked over to the cafe and got myself my usual, tall vanilla latte please. I am surprised they haven't memorized my drink by now. I then stumbled over to the library where I then spread out my million review sheets and began to embark on 4 more hours of studying for my microeconomics exam (in addition to the 12 hours at least prior I have studied). I made my way to my house at 11:30 to chow down some easy mac so my stomach didnt make noises through the whole exam. Whew! Glad that was done with. Literally moments after my exam, I stroll back into the library to embark on my studying for my international economics exam that is tomorrow. Yeah, I think my econ professors have it out for  me because everytime we have exams they are both in the same week. KILL ME.

I began sending an email to two classmates regarding a presentation we have tomorrow for marketing. I had to divide the roles which was hard because I didnt know how to word "Yo, you do this question" very nicely. At least one of them is a friend of mine and the other probably doesn't even care. We have presentations in that class pretty much every other week so its been a pretty repetitive process. We usually don't even meet anymore and just result to email which is my predicament right now. I'm waiting on an email from one of them so I can put the slides together. It's not such a big deal, I can always do that in the morning before I go to class.

So back to my story, god, I can rant and get off topic. So it took me roughly an hour to send an email because I walked over to talk to Tasha whom was working at the information desk. Then I went back to my computer, wasted about 15 minutes on facebook, twitter, etc. then I finally sent my email which took literally 5 seconds. I then proceeded to claim my table in the middle of the library. Usually people go to the library for silence and choose the most quiet areas. Not me. I choose the areas where people walk by most of the time. I guess I'm a people watcher. I also feel like people are watching me as well, so, I need to act studious. Especially, if I'm going to attract a mate.

So at 4pm, I took a break from my little studying I was doing, and went to the Student Union Building with Tasha because she wanted to check her mail and I needed coffee. I changed it up and got a peppermint white mocha. I used to drink those all the time when I didn't like the taste of coffee but now it is the other way around. I love the taste of strong coffee. Now, my goal for the rest of the week is to not have any coffee. I don't have much homework the rest of the week so I think it is plausible.

College brings so much unwanted stress into my life and I really need to get in shape again. On top of horrible eating habits, cheap food, and not having time to work out, stress is the last thing I need. I plan on starting my work out regime again tomorrow. I would buy healthier food right now but I don't want to waste my money on groceries. Especially, since I only have a week until Thanksgiving and then about 3 weeks until winter break. I would buy groceries for those 3 weeks but they are even more stressful than this week. I literally live in the library, cafe, dining hall, and other academic buildings where my studying takes place. So I'll probably by some milk and frozen dinners but that's about it. Next semester, I plan on cooking a lot. Over winter break, I'm going to take over my kitchen and start making dinners for my family and friends (who want to take some risks), so that way I know how to make something before I am in my kitchen at school. For those who don't know how someone could be a bad cook, let me tell you. My friend and I were making chicken for dinner one night and I was defrosting it in the microwave. It was almost defrosted so i threw it back in for a few more minutes not knowing I put it on actual cook rather than the lovely defrost setting. My friend just laughed at me. Sometimes I really think there is some blonde in me.

I just have winter breakitis. I want the semester to be over so badly. I absolutely love the holidays. It is much different now that I am in college because it is like a reunion during the happiest time of year. I love the smell of christmas trees, family all around (well thats different now), starbucks dates, hot chocolate, and sweaters. I LOVE sweaters. Everytime I walk into a store that is the first thing I see. Once I went to Nordstroms (well many times I have gone to Nordstroms), I think I bought three cardigans. One of which I didn't know was on sale, I was so tempted to buy more because they had about 10 colors. I seriously have a problem. When I went over to Pullman to visit Emily, we went to Idaho and shopped at Ross. What did I buy? A warm knitted sweater and yoga pants. My two favorite pieces of clothing. All I need now are some cute, warm boots that I can wear my sweater and yoga pants with. Anyways, I'm looking forward to this holiday season because everything will be different. Thanksgiving won't be as eventful as it has been in the past. Usually, its just my parents and I. Both sides of our family have had some falling outs. On my dad's side, his brother and sisters have stopped talking to him because when my grandma had a stroke and heart attack he didn't want her to be in pain or be on this earth not knowing who she is, which is most of the time now. The only time they usually call or email is to tell us we need to pay our share, which is roughly 1,000 dollars in order to keep her breathing. It is not as bad as it seems with their relationship towards us. We have never played an active role on that side of the family which is probably why we are so distant. Isn't it funny how a stroke can bring a family together? The most recent times I have had with the Stewart side of the family. Okay, that doesn't work because my mother's maiden name is Stewart as well. So let me rephrase that as the Stewart-Schmella-Romstad-and whatever all my cousin's last names from marriage are. The only time I see them are for weddings or some holiday they think we should come to. On the other side of my family, it is the same situation. Ill grandparent, family fights. My other grandma needs to be put in a home before she burns the place down. She has already driven to the local fire department at 3AM just to say hi to the firefighters. She has always been a little bit crazy, and that is an understatement. My aunts always ignore my mother's ideas of putting her in a home where she can still enjoy the things she does now. My grandma is now being treated like a child. My mom and aunts take days of the week where they take her to run errands, take her food, and just make sure she hasn't run away. So Christmas should be interesting. On top of that my aunt and uncle's divorce has been a main topic of discussion at the dinner table, or any table. I am sick of hearing how it affects my cousins. They aren't 5. Obviously, they see that their parents have been fighting their entire lives, because they have. They were just trying to fight the inevitable. The youngest cousin will be off at college in less than a year. I'm just sick of hearing all this pity for them when they just put a smile on their face. It's like show your pain but don't act like I am supposed to give you sympathy. Ok, that was a little harsh. I guess I am just tired. 

Well I'm going to head to bed now in order to have a much better day tomorrow. I am just so excited to make friends with my bed once more. Today, I was not home for more than 15 minutes at a time which means through the whole day I was home for 30 minutes. Welcome to my life.

Tall, Dark, and Superman

It is so cold in my apartment right now. That is one thing I love about going to the library, it is always so toasty. Today has been a pretty laid back day so far. I woke up at 9 and got ready for the day. I made oatmeal and scrambled eggs for breakfast. There's not much one can do when you're broke. I really need to go to the store to get food. I am out of milk and that leaves out many things I could make. There goes cereal and mac 'n' cheese. Pretty much the only things i can make. I'm thinking of having top ramen and a baked potato for dinner. Yeah, that's what I like to call gourmet. I need to start going grocery shopping every week so when I do it doesn't have to put a dent in my wallet. Thanksgiving is so close though. I just want to wait until the beginning of December when I get paid.

Other than being cold and hungry today was good. I only have one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays which is really nice and it is going to be the same next semester. Since my Tuesday/ Thursday class is 90 minutes long my professor gives us a 5 minute break usually a little over halfway through class. So as usual, I pull out my phone to check my text messages and facebook. I had a message which was from my friend Anthony. We have only texted a few times when he wanted me to come drink with him and the Sigma Chi boys on a Wednesday night but I am a devoted student ;) Anyways, so i was surprised to see what he had to say. First to start it off our marketing professor is dumb. Okay, I know thats rude but she is supposed to have a masters degree in marketing and such and I could read the textbook and learn more than what she teaches in class. One day a student asked a question and she stood there digging herself a deeper whole and Anthony answered the question where everyone in the class finally understood. The ironic part is that he doesn't even do the reading and aces the tests. SO JEALOUS. Anyways, so he works as a receptionist/assistant to the business department and our professor, Mei Rose, asked him what you do when a stapler runs our of staples. I just started laughing in class because we both share a hate towards this professor. We don't actually hate her but she doesn't teach us at all. So then I went to the library to finish my economics homework so I don't have to do it tomorrow and one of my good friends, Tasha, was working there. I got up to go staple my homework and the stapler didn't work so I asked her for some staples because I assumed it was just out of staples. Then that reminded of what Anthony texted me. He is better friends with her and so I assumed he texted her the same thing since we are all in class together. So I asked her and she didn't get it so first that made me feel special that it was an actual conversation. I know that sounds weird but since we were first "friends of a friend" it just makes it official that we are actually friends. I know that sounds corny. Also, Tasha gets really possessive of her friends and gets upset when other people start to becoming friends with them. She once told me "You guys aren't even friends!" back when I was trying to help their friendship out because they were on the outs. Anyways, that is my funny story of the day

So as I have mentioned before I have problems with finding a suitor for myself. I have had my share of likings which also nicknamed me "the safeway whore". I don't mind the nickname. It is bound to happen when you are around the same people all the time. There was this guy, Christian, who I thought was so attractive. He literally looks like Ricky, off of The Secret Life of the American Teenager. EXACTLY. Monica literally almost fell over when I showed her a picture of Ricky. So anyways, Monica told me the other day that Christian knows I had a crush on him which is SO embarrassing. I can never go into that store again but I have to because there is no way I am going to go to QFC and that is the closest store. This just goes to show that even if you don't tell many people or the man himself, guys always know you have a crush on them. The hard part is just getting them to do something about it. I don't really know where I was going with this. I guess my life is just so uneventful right now that this is the only thing i seem to have on my mind.

I guess love is always on my mind. I just see happy couples walking around here and I just want that. I want someone to hold hands with, cuddle with, and tell all my secrets to. I love the thought of falling in love someday and just want to live through that dream. I see people from high school who are still with their high school sweethearts and are as happy as ever. I know it will happen when it is meant to happen but still it makes me wonder if it really will. I see all of these great guys, one in particular that is perfect but I don't think it will ever turn into something more.

Now, off to clean, make dinner, and do some studying. YAY...not!

It was an end of a decade, but a start of an age.

A typical Monday night. I am sitting on my extremely small couch  listening to Taylor Swift's new album, Speak Now. If you don't have it go out and buy it! It is extremely magical. I don't know how she does it but I connect with these songs because she has the ability to write songs about my life. This album has matured since her self titled debut, Taylor Swift. Her third album is much less country but I still am in love with it. It consists of songs about John Mayer, Joe Jonas, and Taylor Lautner. Even Camilla Belle aka the home wrecker gets a shout out from miss swift. My favorite songs are enchanted, long live, and last kiss. But frankly, I'm in love with every single song on this album. They remind me of past boyfriends, flings, and boys I just wish would notice with me. Usually, my love life consists of the latter. I think the reason why I cope with these songs is because Taylor is my age, writing songs about her life which consists of love and boys. Taylor isn't my only form of therapy when it comes to boys.


One of my best friends, Monica, is my rock. She is always there for me to vent to or just talk to about anything. I can text her the most random things and she will always reply. No matter how stupid I may seem. She's the one I would call at 2AM when I'm bursting in tears. I trust her with my life. She knows everything about my past relationships or non relationships and never holds them over my head, except for maybe deep lake. She just can't resist on that "funny" moment. Sometimes people have a lack of judgment. I've had my share of drama and Monica was always there to scorn my ex-boyfriends and ex-best friends. Since her 25th birthday is coming up I just wanted to take this time to tell her how much she means to me and I wouldn't be able to live without her.

I guess you could say I have a wonderful support system. I have my family who have always been there to cheer me on, if at graduation or 4-H horse shows. It doesn't matter where I go in life they will always stand by my decisions. At home, I have the greatest friends I could EVER ask for. Emily, Rachael, Jamyn, and Kathryn have been by my side since we were 15 years old. I am so grateful they became friends with me since I was the "new girl". We have had countless moments where I cannot stop laughing when I think about it even 5 years later. I have my wonderful high school friends but also those I've met through Safeway. The ONLY good thing Safeway has given to me was some amazing people. If it's my girls who get me through anything or the boys who would back me up in a fight but also make fun of me continuously. It's like a hobby to them. I'm glad I have met Amanda, Chelsea, Mallorie, and Kristina. Amanda is always there for me when I need a friend and I couldn't ask for more. Chelsea is always there to make me laugh and do crazy things with me. Mallorie and Kristina have always been so nice to be even before we have started hanging out. Every time I go into Safeway they always say hi to me and hug me like they haven't seen me in years, which I love. All of these people in my life get me through and I couldn't ask for more.

Now it is time to get back to work. I have some econ homework to rewrite, read over a chapter, and write out some notes. A relaxing night ahead of me then off to the gym for a work out in the morning.

XO.