I haven't blogged for a really long time, perhaps, because nothing exciting has happened in my life. My life has consisted of finals, obsessing over boys, more finals, and coming home. Winter break hasn't been very eventful and it barely feels like Christmas which is a bit depressing.
I have my best friend, Tasha, to thank for clearing my mind during finals. Whenever I would be over my head in studying we would just talk about boys. Then when it got to be too much Anthony would bring us down to the real world. I know I've always been a little too obsessive over the men in my life. Probably because I was always around them when I was in high school. Now that there is, hopefully, someone new coming into my life people are always mocking me because of my older ways but I am taking a different path on this one. I haven't started obsessing...yet. I'm sure once I start having conversations with this boy that aren't facilitated by mutual friends I will crack. I love hearing stories from my twin because I finally have something to obsess over. She is used to dating the bad boys and this guy is hard to understand. He looks like he would be a bad boy but really he is extremely nice and kindhearted. More like the kind of boys I date. You would say...maybe you two are switching but no. The one I'm after is shy. Typical. Is it so difficult for me to find a boy that shows his feelings and initiates conversations. I think that is why one of the guys i really started falling for was the one who got my number in an original way, texted me all the time, and actually showed he cared. It was a new thing for me and I liked it.
I want a boy to sweep me off my feet. I want that fairytale. Even if I don't get my happy ending, I want a story I can tell to people. Other than, umm I added him on facebook. Go me. Is this what the world has come to? I just need a Christmas miracle. But this miracle will have to happen once school starts. I just hate not knowing what is going to happen. I like to plan out every aspect of my life but there are many problems that go with that. I just want a boy who will make me want to "dance in my best dress, fearless". Yeah, I went there. I know they probably don't exist anymore. But, I want that first date that drives you crazy. That first kiss that makes you want more. And just that feeling that you get when you are going to sleep at night and all you can think about is that person. I miss having butterflies in my stomach and I think I could actually have feelings for this person-- once I get to know him more. Is this too much to ask for? I want someone to bring me flowers for no reason. I want him to know what I'm thinking even before I say anything. I want a guy who will kiss me in public for no reason. I want spontaneous outings with someone. Truly, all I want is someone to love me back. Is living through a country song really that hard?
So amidst all these feelings and thoughts I have in my head. Finals took up most of my time. While studying pointless marketing vocabulary words and mostly laughing at the god damn book, finals were actually pretty nice. Although, my micro economics final kicked my ass, I am glad that class is over. It is nice to relax but I kind of miss school. I always want to get out when I'm studying but then when I'm home I wish I was back at school. It's funny how there are always now people to miss. When I'm at school, I just can't wait to get back to my small hometown just to drive around to walmart and make fun of people we see. A highlight of my teenage years were driving to walmart on a friday night and seeing what kind of boys we could find. Then we would trick them into coming over to our car...then drive away really fast. Or walking into Safeway to see if anyone notices how different I am from the years I spent in that god forsaken place. Some of the best times of my life were spent in that store and I'll never forget them. I guess I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic at times. Then when I'm home, I try to find time to hang out with my UPS homies. I am so lucky to met my twin, Tasha, freshman year because she brings a bit of the small town life to me everyday. She is a country girl at heart and tries to explain the small town life to people who come from big cities such as Los Angeles.
Christmas is coming upon us very quickly and I am extremely grateful for the people who are in my life. I also look back on those I have lost along the way. My grandaddy who I barely even knew but will always have a part of him with me. My grandma Mary, who recently passed away, always knew how to bring light into the room and I definitely got my hostess characteristics from her. And of course, my uncle Non-Non who passed away 5 years ago from a year long battle with cancer. He has had such a huge impact on my life and without him here our extended family has begun to fall apart. His wife, my aunt, has become very distant from the family except for the occasional birthday or holiday celebration. Marriages have been torn apart. My grandma is forgetting who we are. And traditions are being forgotten. So this Christmas, I plan on remembering the happy times when we were all together. The time Non-Non put whipped cream in Betsy's hair and she cried. When he told Suzanne that the wasabi was lime green sherbert. Just us 3 cousins running around being so happy that we had nothing to worry about. Now there are finals, jobs, internships, boyfriends, family drama, and the world to tear us apart. I miss when you had nothing to worry about. You were just an innocent. I'll leave you with that Taylor Swift analogy.
Happy Holidays :)
No comments:
Post a Comment